let’s not call it a comeback, because you never really know how long I will stick around after an update. it’s not that I don’t enjoy taking photos (though truth be told I haven’t taken many the past three, four months), nor is it that I don’t enjoy writing about and posting said photos. rather it’s that I honestly feel this blog has potential, and I don’t have the abilities to make the most of it. I enjoy it as my personal space for recording-keeping of places I’ve been and things I’ve seen; having never been particularly good at keeping a diary for more than two weeks, that might be part of the reason why I have such a tendency to fall of the face of the internet. it’s also partially do to my own lack of motivation and general laziness, and more over the fact that I genuinely don’t have a goal.
I’m going to dwell on this topic of goals and dreams for another paragraph here, because I think one of the most frequent things I get asked in Japan is, what’s your dream for your future?
well now, the honest truth is that I don’t really have one. I haven’t actually had a goal (beyond your typical new years weight loss resolution) since I was in high school and decided I wanted to move to Tokyo – to which one of my roommates laughed and said, well, I guess you’re living your dream right now then, aren’t you!
that was kind of an eye-opener. it’s a ridiculously fortunate and privileged thing to have achieved your goal and be living your dream – and when I really started thinking about it, I feel like I’m not making the most of it. which isn’t to say I’m not content with my life, because I am. I’ve managed to make a life for myself, with friend, family, school and work, in what will soon be three very short years. I know I’ve managed more and continue to do more than a lot of other students I know, that I push past language barriers and possible cultural complications in a way that a lot of people can’t – but somehow it doesn’t feel like that much of an acheivement? maybe because the people I admire the most, like the absolutely amazing Arriane , seem to be at a level I can’t even dream of ever reaching. and there we have it. dreams and dreaming, but very little concrete action planning (which is probably one of Arriane’s most admirable traits /fangirl mode)
I think I lost that spark I had when I first moved to Tokyo – not in the sense that I’m jaded, because the city never seizes to take my breath away in even the smallest of ways, but there’s a feeling of having had a running start when I got here, and having wasted it by not doing more in the beginning.
I know one of the things I really want to share with those of you who are still reading this, is a look at youth culture that’s more than outdated FRUiTS scans and Kyary Pamyu Pamyu (bless her heart though, I love her). some of my favorite memories are from art exhibitions held by students and young artists, and some of the best conversations I’ve had have been hearing about their inspiration and process – and I don’t think a lot of information about that is available in English. so. yeah. I’d like to translate that to digital form – through photography obviously, as well as interviews and perhaps my own thoughts and musings about youth culture in Tokyo. I think that’s one of the things I really want to achieve with this platform, combined with the ever work-in-progress that is the tiny Tokyo guide (aka an endless word document of all my favourite places in the city, silly #protips, etc)
I don’t know how this will actually play out in the long run, but I think it’s the closest thing to a dream I’ve had in a long time. it all depends on my own ability to turn it into a goal that I’ll continuously work towards achieving.